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Nov052009

« Cycle Cheek »

I have a thing for chaps.

Just saying it makes me happy. Chaps

In my formative years, I experienced a booking snafu that cemented my interest in chaps. Chicago hosted the 1989 Catholic Forensic League Nationals (speech team nerds like yours truly, and the Catholic nuns and priests that judge them) and the 1989 Mr Leather Competition (leather daddies and the assless pants aficionados that love them). On the same weekend. In the same hotel. The lobby was resplendent with moustaches and wimples, bare cheeks and rosary beads, dog collars and clerical collars. It was glorious. 

2 decades later, I am proud to say that I own a pair of chaps. Cycling chaps. Assless rain pants.

Now, the last bit of rain gear I invested in gets no respect from either the Euro cycle chic crowd or the hairshirt & high-viz local riders. And honestly, they're not that wrong. But these Rainmates chaps ... I love 'em. They roll up or disappear in my bike bag, and deploy quickly to keep the important part of my legs dry (the bottoms get a bit damp, but who cares - they flap around and dry out). They come with optional lower leg coverage, for protection from car splashes. And they're not sweatboxes like every pair of rain pants I've ever tried. My new winter uniform - denim & chaps, on a leather saddle. Whoopie tee yi yo, y'all.

But before anyone gets all "ja, but are you made of sugar? you will not melt, why do you need such devices?" on me, first I'd like to say that no, I am not made of sugar. 

I'm made of pop rocks and crack, thank you very much. 

And second, I hate soaked thighs and cold knees, and I'm not afeared to admit it. 

And third, I saw you up on Copenhagenize riding around with an umbrella, so who are you to talk? You can have your cycle chic. I've got my cycle cheeks.

Don't ask. Don't tell.  

Images censored to hide my taut Globes from impressionable eyes. That's my "Blue Steel (is Real)" look on the right. You're welcome.

So, dear readers. Are you made of sugar? While it's true that we do generally shed our new cyclist's fear of the wet, I know I'm not the only one out there making some dorktastique rain attire choices. What's in the closet? Wool skivvies? Oversocks? Rain capes? I'd love to know.

Bob Loblaw's Globlog is sponsored by Globe Bikes, who've furnished us with a Globe Live 2 Mixte in return for a series of posts on life with their bike.

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Reader Comments (11)

I too love my Rainlegs. So yeah, I'm right up there with you. How often do you get to wear assless chaps? Not that often in my world.

November 6, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjj

Okay, I love this post- hilarious!!

November 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterShane

Oh, Julian. Now you've done it.

I've met those Globe hipsters and I'm pretty sure they are so gonna take away your new bike for the dorkiness admitted in this post. Seen the bikehugger photos? I'm telling you, they don't mess around out there in Morgan Hill.

November 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTim K

Julian. Don't worry. I think it's OK .... I'm pretty sure we can spin this.

That is, if you're man enough.

Here's the plan: You know how Puma will give you a pair of shoes if you have their logo and "You are Puma" etched into your grill? (Liability disclaimer: NOT true. I can't imagine why anyone, including Puma, would do this. I made it up)

Anyway, you just can emulate the edgy fashion cred but instead of cats and teeth it's Globe and Cheeks. And instead of "You are Puma" it'll be "You arSe Globe."

Think of how much goodwill you'll gain for the company with a giant Globe tattoo on each cheek (or I guess it could just be one Globe spanning both -- if I recall you don't have a lot to spare in the ass department). At that point, it won't be much of a stretch for them to believe that that these modified, waterproof chaps are just a local adaption favored by you and your PNW Sartorialist cronies . (Kinda the same way we put duct -tape buddy flaps on Planet Bike fenders.)

Got the appetite to go even bigger? Skip the tat and make that brand an actual hot-iron burn in. As you can imagine, nothing says <i>cycle-chic</i> like a bare-ass, blistering-sore in high-friction,intimate contact with a loaner-bike saddle. Hell, after seeing the photos, they'll probably make you keep the Globe forever.

One tip. Avoid Madsen-toting your precious cargo while you're healing. Or at least face her the other way. Seriously. You'll thank me later.

November 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTim K

well, I may be the only one who you've convinced that the velotop was a wonderful idea!!! But I think I AM made of sugar. JJ has told me about those pants and I never got the right link so thanks!!!

November 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMamavee

Those chaps are truly a clever idea. And the photos with the 'censors'-- just darn funny.

November 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersara

@Tim - wait, this wasn't the type of exposure Globe was looking for? And here I am waiting for the MASH SF invite ...

But you're onto something here. What goes better with chaps than a brand (of a brand)?

November 7, 2009 | Registered CommenterJulian / Totcycle

Julian: I just got some of these as well -- arrived about two weeks ago (and just in time, I might add). Verdict: I LOVE 'EM!. My wife thinks they're goofy (what does she know?), but I say uber-practical and lightweight and easy and waterproof and breathable can't be beat, especially here in the PNW. Nice work!

November 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterghd

Absolutely, Rainlegs rule; I've been using them for almost two years, and I ain't going back. The fact that they come in black now just makes it better.

November 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVal

Thanks Val! Yours is a trusted seal of approval.

November 12, 2009 | Registered CommenterJulian / Totcycle

Your cross-referencing for the sake of a joke abilities are off the charts. Also, those images deserve some props. I will inquire with MASH SF to see if they are scouting for new riders.

November 16, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJess

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