High Occupancy Velo Manifesto
March 20, 2009
Julian / Totcycle in Bike "Humor", Manifestos

This one's for all the SOBs out there. That's right, the single occupancy bicycles. Just 'cause you're fueled by carbohydrates doesn't mean you get to be all complacent about your carbon footprint. Until you start passengering and bike-pooling, you're still wasting valuable resources. And what with bikes being so hot right now, you're contributing to some serious bike traffic.

Think of how much foodstuff it takes to get one cyclist across town, or god forbid, on a recreational ride, riding an unshared bike, swilling the powerade and popping the power gels. Do you think there's an infinite supply of electrolytes? And think of all the leg hair down the drain ... have you seen a salmon cough up a hairball? It's not pretty.

Having a carbon fiber frame doesn't count as a carbon offset. Aluminum frame? They who smelt it dealt a grievous blow to the environment. And do you know how long lycra lasts in a landfill? Tsk tsk.

Yes, the time has come for cyclists to stop the single occupancy madness! Want to be a wheelman? We wheel men and women ride with steel, leather, cork, and wool, carrying kids with just-indie-enough names, a load of Trader Joe's or bootleg raw milk, and ride in the High Occupancy Velo (HOV) lane, fueled by seven flavors of smug righteousness. 

When you roll with people on board, you're just doing that much more for the planet. My stoker runs on mere strips of fruit leather. Think it's cool to pee from your bike during a mountain stage? My girl pees on the bike just about every time we ride. Sometimes it's not just pee. Who's a badass roadie now? Had to change a flat on your club ride? We change flats and diapers when we ride.

Todd may win le maillot jaune if not carefulThink the Chilly Hilly was hard? Try a Chilly Willy (see left). Pride yourself on maintaining a nice straight line? Try that with 2 fighting kids in the back, or one kid making a breakaway for the booty in the shopping bag.

So look for us in the HOV lane. We're a peloton on two wheels, baby. You'll know us by our trail of cheerios, and as you whip by us with a gritted-teeth "on your left" you may hear a delightfully dopplered "No! MYYYYYYYY left!" My toddler's charming like that these days.

High Occupancy Velos - How We Roll ... 
 

up high                                       down low

 

in the middle                              too slow

 

a family tandem                          or something random

 

long john bike                             or long john silver

 

in the bak                                   or in the bucket

 

perhaps an xtracycle                  is how you truck it

 

PS - The images above (linked to sources) were pilfered from various online sources, but this post is just so virtuous that it's OK.

PPS - I have love in my heart for my roadie brothers and sisters, I truly do.

Article originally appeared on Totcycle (http://totcycle.com/).
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